he told me I talked like a deaf person
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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