i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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