I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
