remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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