you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
