No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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