You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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