cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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