Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
