I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
