Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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