I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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