I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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