That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
