I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
