Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
