Christians are straight up FREAKS
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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