I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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