I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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