She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
