she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
