at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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