Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
wow bdsm is so cute
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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