New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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