Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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