yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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