I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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