So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
