Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
