Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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