Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
