If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So much Jack, so little girl.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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