Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
