Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
