There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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