The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
