bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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