Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
