I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
