My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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