Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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