I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
