I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
