I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
