Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
