It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
