I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
