Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
