If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
