im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
