my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
