It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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